my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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