can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
