Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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