booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
