just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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