I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
