Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
