I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
