I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
