And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
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no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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