Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
