Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
