Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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