i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
