I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
