what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
