was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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