did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
