I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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