ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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