OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
