i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
