Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
