No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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