I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
