Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
