Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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