And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
