he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
