im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
