Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
