the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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