apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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