I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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