Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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