Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your penis caused this!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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