I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
