when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
