I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
