He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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