xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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