he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
