I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
