How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
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Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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