Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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