He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
