If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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