You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
