I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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