She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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