I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
