i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
