Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
