Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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