i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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