in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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