my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
