My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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