My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
