I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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