dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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