I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
