I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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