he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
