Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.