My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
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I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?