my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.