and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.