Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??