so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
3 2 1 whiskey
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
