So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.