this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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